So this is a photo of me and my girl, yeah.. lance has settled down a bit, what of it? almost 6 months already, no regrets, stronger than ever. Its safe to say that i love this girl like no other. right now in my life there is nothing i want more than to have her apart of everything i succeed in, and, to make her happy at every turn. She has had it hard, moving to bris away from her friends and family to 1. make something new of her life, and 2. be with my sorry ass haha, but seriously, we wouldn’t have it any other way, even though i know she gets home sick..
Next week marks the end of an era so to say for my band Headwound The Pony - as we play for the last time one of our favourite songs in our set list. It is the last shred of evidence that we used to have a different line up haha, but seriously, this song has been alot of fun over the last year and a half. we are playing at Price Street Hall in Nambour, drug and alcohol free All Ages, so come get dressed up, best xmas costume gets $50 cash
zooey deschanel… why you so amazing?
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove
it was a good run, many beard strokes and girls secretly (and not so secretly ;) ) loving the shit outta it, i decided to end the beard before it consumed me haha.
it will be missed
r.i.p. jan2011 - april 2011
erasing you from my life has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do..
to clarify, i am not talking about recent events that anyone might have the preconceived assumption that i am talking about them or someone they know. but, this is me venting as i finish ridding myself of the physical memories of someone.
some of you may think im the happy positive guy that is super friendly or whatever, but, only a handful of people know me truly, so here is a dip into my life that 1% of the people who say they know me actually know.
the only way i can really do this is to start where it matters.. when i was younger, i met and fell in love with who i thought was “the one”. we all have our own approach to love, mine is more sceptical, and i guess i can be a bit stand offish when i do like someone, and dont want to, but, for the first time in my life at this point it was natural to let myself go with the flow.. we had a pretty full on relationship, and had many trials.. with me becoming straight edge, and having to go through the tough times of me becoming clean. the fights, while 5 months pregnant with our child, the loss. i was never one who ever thought being a parent was for me. but, i guess, when you are beginning to become excited at the idea of bein a dad, your heart breaks a little bit. after trying to piece back together what we could, and attempting to make an engagement work, putting my friends on the backburner and, my music which i wanted but wasnt working toward off the heat all together, i was trying to make fire under water.. then, one day i got a message, that she was leaving me for another guy.. i must’ve called her every name under the sun i could think of to describe her. i fought to try get her back, tried to give up on everything to get her back.. but, was to no avail.
i moved on with my life, and down the track we began speaking again, and she apologised for the things she had done and i accepted her apologies. im not a petty man, and i had no reason to hold anything against her any more. last year, late may, i was out with the boys, and for some reason she was trying to call me. for what reason i will never know. maybe it was to say hello, maybe for some other reason, i have searched my mind a million times over, then a million times again, but still, to this day, and for the rest of my life will wonder what.. about 4 weeks later, i received word she had taken her own life that night in may.
life is too short to hold grudges.. life is too short to hate. i had my reasons to be angry, but i let go. i wish i could take back that night and do it over. even though i wasnt still in love with her, i still loved her, and wil always hold a place in my heart for her. deleting the pictures is hard.. but erasing the memories of the times, both good and bad that we shared, keep her fresh in my mind, and that i am finding hardest of all. with the dried tears on my face, i can bury this feeling to face tomorrow. im no longer numb.
people have asked me, why i was posting certain things last year.. why my writing took an emotive turn.. why i try to be so positive and happy and approach life the way i do.. here is your answer in the simplist way i can give it… because i have to.. cos if i dont, i’ll break.. im a strong man, but, there is only so much i can take, and i am avoiding ever reaching breaking point.
i dont want people, to think i am down or anything, or people asking if im ok, cos i am, i really am, for the first time since july, i am 100% sure of things, and it feels fantastic. the old me is back witha vengeance and it is better than ever. i just decided i needed a vent, and for those who care, this is what has ben on my mind every night for alost 10 months.
night all
RECTITUDE
Innate to every human being on this planet is a sense of right and wrong. Some call it “conscience.” Regardless of how one chooses to label this instinctive awareness of right action and the converse, this awareness serves to keep each and every one of us on the path of moral righteousness if we so choose to recognize it. The most common reasons for abandoning to uphold this human virtue are greed and selfishness. Once again, the outcome of any situation (or our lives, in general) will come down to the choices we make on a daily basis. Staying in close contact with our conscience and instinctive base of morality will prevent us from straying and committing acts which we will inevitably regret, possibly causing harm to others. To follow the path of Bushido is to support righteousness at all costs…and at all times without compromise.
COURAGE
Sometimes, making a hard choice requires a great deal of courage. Situations which require us to make these choices don’t necessarily come when we are called upon to save someone’s life or commit a heroic act of such degree that will gain us notoriety. Most of time, it is the simplest of situations which force us to make a choice between taking a chance to do the right thing or remain in the shadows of our own pride, embarrassment or fear and merely observe with regret. Bushido dictates that we must act to support goodness and right action regardless of our level of comfort with the intervention. Sometimes, the lives or well-being of others will depend on our ability to rise with courage at any given moment, usually when we least expect it.
BENEVOLENCE/COMPASSION
If there is one aspect of human expression that is most lacking in the world today, then it has to be compassion. We have become so accustomed to living in a selfish way that we are inured to the pain and suffering of others around us, not realizing that their pain is ultimately tied to our pain and that someday soon enough, we will inherit the effects of living our lives so selfishly in ways that we least expect. This should not only be approached from a karmic sense whereby we assume that if we don’t act with compassion then someday we will be overlooked when we are in need. Rather, we should constantly show compassion to all manner of life and try whenever possible to take care of those less fortunate than ourselves as opposed to shunning and marginalizing them because of ego, shame or prejudice. Every living thing has a heart and soul…and most of us can relate to pain and rejection. As our earthly population grows, driving most of us to become more marginalized, greedy, defensive and selfish, let Bushido guide you to stand apart and act out of generosity and kindness. Setting a good example is a by-product of Bushido and most likely would have become the eighth virtue, had the masters not understood that all those strong enough (and smart enough) to apply The Code to their own lives would invariably understand how contagious even a small amount of decent and respectable human behavior can be to others. Spread the virus of good virtue today.
RESPECT
Most think of respect as how it is applied to those older than us. However, respect—as it is viewed in Bushido—is very similar to how it was viewed by almost every highly developed and spiritual culture throughout human history. Respect covers not only a reverence for those who hold authority or seniority over you, but it covers a humility toward all manner of life on this planet—and not only the type of life which happens to support our existence. Once again, we must relinquish our desire to dominate and be selfish. Not only do we have to defer to and honor our elders, we must do the same for other men, women and children and set good examples of humility, which actually requires more strength and restraint than aggression or dominance—primal behavior born out of insecurity. A practitioner of Bushido has nothing to prove, nor has any fear of being lessened by others. Always be courteous, humble and respectful, regardless of the situation. The only exception would be when we must defend someone or something close or important to us. The best part of practicing this virtue is the reward it brings to the heart of the practitioner. However, don’t do it for any possible reward; do it because it is the right thing to do.
HONESTY
Truth is the cornerstone of any human relationship and interaction. It is the foundation of how we view the world and how we are viewed by it. It is strong and undeniable, yet is the most easily manipulated, fragile and potentially damaging of all the virtues. This is because the simplest false impression can go a long way and create an alternate reality that when revealed as fiction, can potentially create profound levels of destruction and pain. Honesty is most often compromised by greed and selfishness. Sincerity and truth reside on a steep hillside that must be constantly supported and upheld by each and every one of us. Once we compromise our commitment to honesty, then that hillside becomes a slippery slope and little “white lies” eventually lead to compulsive misrepresentations necessary to support previous untruths and so on. The choice to represent oneself or situation truthfully may initially be painful, embarrassing or scary, but those momentary feelings will be nothing compared to the pain that could be caused down the line when a long-believed lie has been exposed. The “straight and narrow” is known as such because it is that which does not waver and does not make accommodations for any kind of color or compromise—truth is black and white and sincerity lies within speaking from the heart with complete integrity of expression. Indeed, truth can be painful, but it is ultimately preferred and always most respected. More importantly, it is the only way of expression and communication for someone on the path of Bushido.
HONOUR
When most people think of honour, definitions surrounding military service and awards of high distinction initially come to mind. This is because the societal relevance of this ancient measure of human merit has shifted over time. Honour is no longer a personal motivation to keep one from behaving in ways that would bring shame to one’s self, family or country. Similarly, a breach of honour is no longer a reason to feel shame; we now can break laws and be convicted for each individual offense rather than trying to uphold some archaic overall personal standard. However, this societal shift has brought with it some disturbing and sad consequences. Now, most of us are trying to behave within boundaries of law and not even looking at our overall approach to ethics and morality. If we can “get away” with something that breaks a rule of law, then chances are that we will, whether accidental or intentional. This approach can best be analogized as walking through life with blankets over our entire bodies looking through holes cut out for our eyes, as we take what we can and do what we can to further our own personal agendas whenever possible, only coming out from under the blanket when absolutely necessary so as to not get caught…and hoping that no one else saw or recognized us when we were momentarily exposed. However, living with honour removes that blanket of obscurity, allowing us to live more fully and responsibly, taking credit for all our actions and consequently, living as more refined, honest and morally evolved human beings. Honour is honesty, fairness and most importantly, the integrity of one’s own beliefs.
LOYALTY
We often look at domesticated animals—dogs in particular—when we wish to observe and understand loyalty. And there is good reason for this. Dogs want love and companionship. They will endure years of abuse and even death by the master of their own choosing just to earn the master’s trust and love. Abused animals may not understand why they are abused, but they endure it because they made a decision to stand by their masters, regardless of how painful that commitment proves to be. This has been observed whether or not there is any kind of food dependence or reward involved. However, loyalty, as it applies to Bushido, requires immense understanding as well as commitment. Loyalty, duty and honor are closely connected and are three of the most difficult virtues to master. This is because one has to be completely selfless and unwaveringly responsible in order to fulfill their demands. Many have argued that often the temptation to compromise honesty has been overwhelming during occasions when honor and loyalty had to be defended, usually on behalf of someone else to whom a deep pledge has been made. However, temptations to compromise any given virtue usually arise when self-preservation or guilt are knowingly (or even sometimes unwittingly) taken into consideration. The most common reasons for ceasing to uphold human virtues are greed and selfishness. Suffice to say, there is no compromise that can be justified in the end and each one of us will ultimately know and have to live with our choices in the end. Military applications aside, loyalty, devotion and duty represent clear and non-negotiable commitments either to a person, a place, a thing, a cause, a belief or even a simple promise. They represent bonds that can only be broken by a weakened resolve, a negative shift in priority…or a simple choice. Once again, light is shed upon our individual choices. The Bushido Code is nothing but emptiness until we give it form and purpose. It only means something to one individual life and that of no one else. It only exists if it exists in our choices and more importantly, through our actions. However, it resides in each of us. If you feel the dormancy in your soul, then let your loyalty to your own human evolution awaken its relevance to your life and begin practice of The Code. One good choice will lead to another…and another. Soon you will find that your inner understanding of truth and right living will be indistinguishable from the self-realized image you see in the mirror. Gently remove the ego and live beyond yourself today…and you will find that it will be the greatest gift you could ever give yourself…and the rest of the world.
these are the values and beliefs i base my life on.. one does not have to believe in God, nor any higher power, but respect those who do. your life is a product of your own choices, not the choices of other men. these are values ALL PEOPLE should embrace, whether christian, pagan, satanic, atheist, straight edge etc. there is no excuse for living a shameful existence.
for those who are walking tall preaching their beliefs, yet call someone a ‘fake’ for turning their back on certain beliefs for whatever reason, i ask you, who are you to judge? you are a fake in your own eyes, by calling someone out for making a choice to do something with their life that is for themselves.
anyone can follow a crowd, be apart of something that has no eternal outcome. in life, we make a choice to follow a path that is suited for us. we get an education, we learn life skills, we make friends, have a family, work, love live and inevitebly we all die. i do not fear death, i welcome it when it is my time. i do not want this anytime soon, its just that when it is my time i know i was foloowing the path i was meant to.
people tend to say that family and friends mean everything to them, and would take a bullet for these people, but have a think, and think hard, would you stand there and take a bullet for someone, or would you fight to avoid the trigger being pulled, because if you think about that situation, once you have taken the bullet, a second one will be fired at your friend/family. just food for thought.
im done ranting for the night, i have read and written and now i am sleepy, need to recharge for the day ahead.
holy shit, hard work truly does pay off.. to the non believers, we are beginning to see a trend in working hard and getting what we are working towards. the album tracks are coming along nicely, and we will be releasing an album in july/august, but until then we are goin to continue to slaughter shows including shows with State Of East London and THY ART IS MURDER.. fuck yeah, doesnt get much better at the moment. so for those who follow who are chasing something whether it be music, or a promotion at wotk, or even just trying to do something diferent with their lives, hard work does pay off, maybe not right away, but be persistent.
id say “fuck the haters”, but there is only one hater in particular i want to point out and say one thing to them “fuck you, you’re a cunt”
its time to find the exit from your conscience, to allow yourself the freedom to move on. as once again you’ve been a slave to consciousness. begging the darkness to engulfe, and pity you some peace from these demons that plague you everyday. from the shit that bottles up inside and consumes you. eyes burning and chest heaving, you feel crushed under the weight of the guilt you feel when you cant push the blame, as passing the buck has always been a fools game. wallowing in self pity, you’ll lose everything to the satisfaction of those you have hurt, and i still will feel nothing. no backbone, no self respect. just another nameless face, what could of meant everything, means nothing
life is damn near perfect. work is awesome, got the best mates, got everything i want at the moment, and everything i want in the coming days/months ahead seem to be going the way they ought to.
never thought things would be this fucking sweet. as much as i love being in brisbane, and love my friends and family, i cant wait to get on the world stage to show these other countries what we get up to here :) exciting times ahead.
cant wait to get back down to SA for another visit and some down time before tour. tour dates will be announced in june for july/august
I gotta admit, there are reasons why i havent used tumblr in a while, but, i figured ‘fuck it’.. here goes, im gonna get something off my chest…
i thought you could of been something more than what you were to me, but then i realised, that my biggest regret is being out of pocket.. keep what you have of mine, the way i see it, its down payment on me never having to speak to you or see you again. what you have done proves to me that you were never worth shit.
i cant stand what i figure u always were, dig a ditch, crawl in it, and fuckin stay there. cunt. when you do lose everything, which you will lose everything, i wont be there. noone will be there. i will watch ur life turn to shambles and smile.
now thats off my chest everyone get onto the new headwound stuff
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Headwound-The-Pony-OFFICIAL/175303277076
headwoundtheponymetal.bigcartel.com
new lines of merch, more coming
album out july/august 2011
LIFE IS SO GOOD :)
